Recently a longtime member of CoDA remarked:
“What a shock when I discovered that the common denominator in all of my dysfunctional relationships . . . was me.” —Bruce S.
MEETING PREAMBLE
The Codependents Anonymous Program of Recovery
We would like to welcome our Charlotte friends and neighbors to the CoDA Charlotte community. As a newcomer you are greeted as the most important person at our meetings. We hope you will find you’re in your right place. We will invite you to pick up a Newcomers’ Packet and you may purchase the CoDA Blue Book and other literature, which should answer many of your questions about CoDA
CoDA guidelines encourage attending at least six meetings as a way to determine CoDA’s relevancy in your life. The various meetings are different and one may be more comfortable for you than another.
Codependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships through the discovery of, and recovery from, habitual codependent behaviors. Such patterns are often a holdover from childhood coping skills, adopted in response to dysfunctional family situations
The only requirement for membership is a desire to overcome these dysfunctional behavioral patterns and, using the tools we are discovering, replace them with healthy choices and attitudes, bringing us true fulfillment in all areas of our lives.
We gather to support and share with each other a journey of self-discovery—learning to love and respect the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
Here we find a safe place where we may share our experience, strength and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage, and peace where there has been turmoil. This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Codependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance, and serenity in our lives.
Most of us have been searching for ways to overcome the conflicts in our relation-ships. Many of us were raised in families where addictions and dysfunctional behaviors existed. Perhaps some were not. In either case, we have found that codependence has become a deeply rooted, compulsive behavior, born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional family systems. We have learned that “codependence is a disease that deteriorates our soul.”
We have each experienced in our own way the painful trauma of emptiness in our childhood and our relationships throughout our lives. We attempted to use others— our mates, our friends, and even our children as our sole source of identity and value, and as a way of trying to restore within us the emotional losses from our childhoods. Our histories may include other powerful addictions, which at times we have used to cope with our codependence.
We have all learned to survive life, but in CoDA we are learning to live life. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles of CoDA on a daily basis we can experience a new freedom from our self–defeating lifestyles. It is an individual growth process, each of us growing at our own pace. We will continue to heal as we remain open to God's will for us.
No matter how traumatic our past or despairing our present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the program of Codependents Anonymous. We no longer need to rely on others as a power greater than ourselves. We will find here a new strength within, to be that which God intended—precious and free.
CoDA is an anonymous program. We ask that you respect the privacy of each person in this meeting and that: “Who you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here."
Our sharing helps us to free the emotional bonds of our past and the compulsive control of our present. In CoDA we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding and we allow others the same privilege.
After a period of sharing our experience, strength, and hope—which often includes newcomers unburdening themselves of emotional issues which may have been tightly stored for many years—we close the meeting with the following statement:
CLOSING STATEMENT
In closing, our desire is for all who have attended to find in this fellowship the hope and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy—and which has helped many of us find new ways of participating in life.
By being willing to modify our own attitudes and behaviors, we find not only our lives, but the lives of those around us begin to change–within families, with friendships, and at work.
The loving exchange of help among members, and the daily study of CoDA and 12-step literature make us ready to receive the priceless gift of serenity.
To those who haven't been with us long: Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have faced them as well. If you learn to keep an open mind you will find help. You will begin to realize that there is no difficult situation nor unhappiness that cannot be reversed, and no deeds that cannot be forgiven.
The welcome we give you is warm and sincere. And it is intended to help you love yourself, as we will grow to love you. The ‘We Care’ book is available for further contact and support, but let there be no gossip nor criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love, and freedom this program offers continue to grow in each of us—one day at a time.
We close our meeting by reading the Twelve Promises of CoDA and by reminding ourselves of the powerful Serenity prayer, and often adjourn to a local restaurant for coffee, etc. and more conversation.
TO NEWCOMERS
You’ve taken a brave step and you will be the most important person at your new meeting.
This information will answer many questions concerning the procedures and purposes of all CoDA meetings, and is presented to make you as comfortable as possible in your initial CoDA experiences.
Our hope is that you will feel safe and loved as you are learning to love yourself.
EASING INTO YOUR CODA EXPERIENCE
We welcome you with Love. Entering any new environment can be a bit intimidating at times. Each group has its own basic procedures and patterns of behavior, and unless they are pointed out one may feel like the proverbial fish out of water. Here are some general guidelines that may help you to be more comfortable the first few times you attend a CoDA meeting.
1. By listening carefully to the opening remarks you will hear a number of hints on the purpose of the organization and how the meetings are conducted.
2. You may be offered a paper to read – The 12 Steps. The 12 Traditions. The Patterns and Traits of Codependence. You nay decline if you feel uncomfortable reading this time. Just say no.
3. When it comes time to share, you may jump in at any time when no one is speaking. We start by saying our name, (“My name is Jane . . .” I’ m Bill . . .” etc.) then proceed to make our remarks. Using “I statements” rather than you, we or they, keeps our remarks focused on our own experiences and feelings. Here we find the freedom to discover who WE are, how WE feel, what WE want to get off our chest. This may be one of the few places where you can express YOUR feelings without fear of judgment, comment, controversy, ridicule, or any other negative reactions -- and without fear of your remarks ever going outside this room.
4. CoDA is not “group therapy.” We refrain from commenting on others’ remarks, giving suggestions or advice. We are helping each other to think for ourselves and make our own decisions, not to advise or query them about details of their comments.
5. You will receive a Newcomer’s silver chip and Newcomer’s Packet with inspirational and helpful information. Be sure to fill in the date of your first meeting so you can receive your anniversary chips. If you read all of this material carefully you will be well on your way to understanding how codependency has impacted your life –- and (the good news!) well on your way to having the awareness that will change the way you look at things in your life forever.
6. We encourage attendance to at least six meetings before deciding if CoDA is right for you. Each meeting is different and one may be more comfortable for you than another.
During the meetings and as you read the CoDA literature you will hear about the following:
Sponsorship Step Study
Service Group Conscience Meetings
which may cause you to have questions. A brief clarification of each follows. SPONSORSHIP All Twelve Step programs recommend that you seek out a Sponsor within your group (or another recovery group) ASAP―one who has been in recovery for at least three years. A sponsor will be able to support your progress and guide you through working the Twelve Steps. In CoDA Charlotte there are few members who have taken on the sponsorship role; thus we may go to another group, such as AlAnon, to find a sponsor―someone who speaks to our particular issues. There are several pamphlets available on Sponsorship.
STEP STUDY Working the miraculous Twelve Steps is the very essence of any recovery program. There are a number of ways this can be done.
1. The CoDA Blue Book has an explanation of the twelve steps. This study may be self guided. Although not giving one the depth of study that may follow, it will acquaint you with the flavor of the steps and hopefully encourage you to find a sponsor to work with you in more depth. (The CoDA blue book may be purchased at meetings or at coda.org)
2. Several of the Charlotte meetings from time to time have a step study before or after their meetings. You could join one of these groups. Call the meeting contact (listed on line) for information on dates and times.
3. Some meetings incorporate a step once a month into their meeting.
4. There are online study groups. The illuminating Joe and Charlie CDs can be listened to online or downloaded for later listening. Google in “AA Joe and Charlie” for several links. Earnest students repeat the Twelve Steps many times during their journey, finding more enrichment each time.
SERVICE Service is the touchstone of every Twelve Step group. There are many opportunities to serve. Each group has special needs.
SOME POSSIBILITIES FOR SERVICE:
We are always in need of someone to help monitor the local website. (CoDACharlotte.org)
Service can also involve participating in the CoDA Council, the local coordinating board of area CoDA meetings. It meets four times a year and plans workshops and activities, starts new meetings, etc. Ask meeting leader for more information.
Each meeting might have a monitor to arrive a bit early to set up the room for the meeting, order literature, or handle banking.
GROUP CONSCIENCE MEETINGS When questions abbot the meetings arise, we call for a Group Conscience Meeting, usually held after the main meeting, to discuss and settle the situation. All are invited to attend and express their opinions.
IN CONCLUSION:
Please check the Literature table for CoDA blue books, meditation book, workbook and many wonderful pamphlets on various healing subjects; all moderately priced. (Folders are free.)
These thoughts are merely guidellines―not rigid rules. You are encouraged to participate in a way that is comfortable for you and for others who are present. There is never any pressure to speak; listening is just fine.
If you have concerns about your CoDA experience at any time, please discuss it with the leader or another member. We welcome your feedback. It helps us to improve our meetings. Our goal always is to put you at ease so you will continue to attend in order to work on your goals which brought you here in the first place. We honor your attendance and fervently believe you will find serenity if you:
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. It won’t if you don’t, so
WORK IT ‘CAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT!
GREAT NEW SATURDAY MEETING LOCATION Posted: February 22, 2010
After many happy years at the Matthews Help Center, the Saturday morning (10:30) GET UP AND GROW CoDA meeting is moving across the street to a lovely facility---the former Methodist church, now beautifully remodeled to become Shepherds Library (formally named Christ Our Shepherd Christian Public Library.)
It is located at 116 North Ames Street (Matthews NC 28105) corner of N. Ames and Charles Street. We are grateful for this beautiful facility and hope those seeking recovery will visit us soon.
You may park at the corner of N. Ames and Charles Street and cross the street to where you see the silver standing return book depository, near the back door of the library; pass under the brick archway and turn immediately to the right to the "hidden" door at the foot of the stairway. Down a short hall, through the door into the lovely big room, light and airy with colorful contemporary stained glass windows, soft lighting, comfortable chairs and writing desks. An inspiring meeting venue. Open meeting; sharing; lastS about an hour.
The group usually goes out to lunch for more discussion and sharing, and we invite everyone to join us.
FYI the library is an extension of Christ Our Shepherd Ministries, which owns all of the property from John to Charles Streets and maintains a ministry for single parents providing day care and after school activities, a great service to the Matthews community (as is the Help Center.)
Call Donna @ 704 226 8642 or Lisa @ 704 877 2470 for more information or if you get lost.
SUNDAY CODA MEETING ON HIATUS Posted: December 04, 2009
NOTICE: Due to lack of attendance, the Indian Trail CoDA meeting is temporarily discontinued. Anyone interested in reactivating this meeting, or one at another Sunday location, please email us at: codacharlotte@aol.com.
FRIDAY SPEAKERS MEETING CDs ARE AVAILABLE Posted: August 31, 2007
“Living the Twelve Steps in Relationship” is available for a “love offering” at Charlotte CoDA meetings. If a CD is not available at the meeting you attend, please click on the “Comment” link below and let us know which meeting you will attend. The speakers are Starla and Jimmy D. of Los Angeles, who have been in CoDA for ten+ years, and use the 12 steps daily in their marriage. They spoke to us on June 1, 2007. Comments
USE OUR NEW EMAIL TO CONTACT US Posted: October 16, 2006
Contact us at our new email - codacharlotte@aol.com
We'd love to hear your comments, suggestions and to answer any questions. Comments
WE NEED YOUR POSITIVE CODA EXPERIENCES Posted: October 09, 2006
Help us to make this website really helpful and inspiring to visitors. Send us your account of the hope and inspiration you have received from "living the CoDA life".It will bless you and others. Thank you.
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